We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Someone came in the potted fern
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
