I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
