I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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