So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
