i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
