thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
