Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
