So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize