The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
