he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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