Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
