just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
