Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
