If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
