How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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