I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
