and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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