what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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