Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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