I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
