It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
