i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
