You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
