don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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