hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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