I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
