All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
