So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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