my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
