you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
try to milk me bitch
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