Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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