pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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