i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
