well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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