You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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