Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
