Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
