Your face is a jimmy john
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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