Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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