i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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