You're a womanizer and a bitch.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
