He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
