So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
