maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
