Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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