I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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