Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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