i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i think i have herpe
just one?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
