NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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