end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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