you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
