You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
