Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
