i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
